Roller Coasters and Egg Shells

I hate the way I feel, like a roller coaster raging on it's tracks inside an egg shell. Inside a giant fucking Humpty Dumpty sleepwalking through life just waiting to wake up any second, but it never happens, coaster raging, sparking on it's tracks, teetering to and fro. Some times I just want it to derail and destroy everything because I don't know if the shell can take much more of this chaos. Yet no matter how close to the edge things come it won't break, the shell will never break, it may crack, but will never break. That is what the power of having people depend on you will do. It can be mind numbing, exhausting, insomnia, "copy of a copy of a copy", but it is still power, it is strength in it's own form. Many people have different forms of strength, muscles, wit, money. Mine is in the form of devotion. Devotion to the love of another, but not just any other, but one who depends on my existence. If I ever fail that, Humpty is dead, all for nothing. I can't afford to fail.